When preparing for an adventure, so much attention is paid to trivial things like footwear, sleeping bags, preventive vaccinations and State Department warnings. The truth is that there’s only one thing you really need: a good pair of khakis.
Clothing companies have made a fortune selling khakis and khaki-themed adventure gear, the zippered and pocketed stuff you’d find in the back of Allan Quatermain’s closet, as expensive symbols of rugged style and one-with-nature success. On the whole, it seems like a much better fad than the late 1980s, when unspeakable fashion horrors were perpetrated on mankind, or the 1990s, when something called Zubaz managed to scale the pinnacle of style.
In fact, I once wore khakis so often that when I did wear blue jeans, my friends said, "What's the special occasion?" I can't really explain this preference for khaki (originally an Urdu word for “dusty”). It may be my fear of looking silly when reexamining old photos, and there are some things that will always be safe: black tuxedos, short hair, and, of course, khakis.
But there are other benefits. Khakis go with pretty much everything. How many other clothing items are suitable for both a business lunch and hardcore machete usage? Let's face it: guys secretly wish to get a call at a moment's notice to leave the country on an absurd adventure, and in khakis you're always dressed for wherever the hell they're gonna send you. And the best part is, you rarely have to wash them.
So while khakis (and their rambunctious cousins, cargo pants) had previously been the exclusive uniform of GIs and great white hunters, the discovery that these slacks made even the scrawniest of legs look casually muscular turned the tide.
Not only are khakis a standard item in Western closets, they have an almost spiritual connection with the world of adventure. This connection was solidified in my mind during preparations for field guide training in South Africa. When my course manual arrived in the mail, I discovered the following sentence on the front page:
“You do not flirt with wives or daughters, even when they flirt with you!”
I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was my first brush with an occurrence well-known in the safari world and much-discussed around distant campfires, miles away from wives and families... a little thing called “khaki fever.”
Our unflappable instructor illuminated the phenomenon for us: “Khaki fever is something that happens to many women when they come to Africa on safari. The excitement of being out in the bush, brushes with danger, the exotic setting… can make some of them incredibly attracted to their safari guides. It’s a widely known aspect of the job. They come out here and sometimes act like even the guide himself is fair game.
“I’ve also heard it called ‘Rent-a-Ranger.’”
This is the man-in-uniform syndrome, and it takes on an even more intense air in the bush on account of the almost-limitless array of dangers. There’s something about khaki that lets you know that everything will be just fine. Do you think Indiana Jones would have had nearly as much success with women – not to mention fierce natives and stuffy faculty – if he wore fluorescent orange camouflage?
So the next time you’re preparing for an adventure, don’t spend so much time learning a foreign language or researching whether you’ll need antimalarials. Just make sure you’ve got at least one good pair of khakis in your bag. After all, once you go khaki, you never go back.
