As you spend time out on the road, two things are guaranteed to happen. One, you'll find yourself increasingly enamored with the places you visited as time goes along. And two, you'll find yourself even more enamored with the places you narrowly missed. The spots on the map you could have hit, but didn't, take on mythical proportions (and no, I'm not talking about actual mythical places, like Atlantis or Shangri-la or Florida).
One near-miss that has always tantalized me is Zimbabwe (I'll spare you the suspense: I'm not filing from Harare, helping the Tsvangirai campaign count votes, although I'm flattered you thought that). During my travels to southern Africa I was this close to visiting the place; to me it's always been one of the true iconic destinations on the continent. The problem is, the continent hasn't really been all that kind to its icons.
The country is home to some of Africa's most spectacular attractions: Victoria Falls, stunning wildlife, and the Great Zimbabwe ruins, not to mention a reputation for some of the warmest hospitality anywhere. It's also home to some of Africa's most spectacular problems: political turmoil, a food crisis, and currency so worthless, Yakov Smirnov has substituted it for “Soviet rubles” in his Branson, Missouri comedy routines. I'm not the only one who missed Zimbabwe over the years: democracy and common sense have, too. While much of that can be blamed on its colonial past, the main culprit in the country's tragic decline is easy to recognize: he's the one riding in a silver-plated Mercedes limousine while his countrymen are slaughtering rare game just to survive.
Robert "Bobby" Mugabe is one of the region's longest-tenured dictators. He's the gold standard among African Big Men, and by gold I mean the shiny stuff: Bobby Moo-gobby has reportedly plundered much of the country's vast natural resources. Considering that many neighboring countries go through leaders like the Betty Ford Clinic goes through overexposed untalented starlets, Moo-gobby's longevity has been downright epic. He became Prime Minister in 1980, President in 1987, President for Life in 1997, Rush Chair in 1998, Pope in 2000, Director of Player Personnel in 2002 and Vice President of Accounts Receivable in 2006.
This is the guy who once compared himself to Hitler, "only tenfold"... which raises the question: if two wrongs make a right, do ten Hitlers make five good guys? And while he doesn't have exotic flourishes like the alleged eating of children (like the CAR's Jean-Bedel Bokassa) or a fur coat collection made of endangered species (like Elena Ceaucescu), Moo-gobby is the first international figure ever to be stripped of an honorary degree by a British university. This is no small feat: to put that into perspective, my alma mater still hasn't stripped its degree from O.J. Simpson.
Anyway, considering that Moo-gobby has probably overstayed his political welcome by about 25 years, there are positive signs that change is afoot in Zim. National elections were conducted in relative peace and harmony (and before you interject, I have two words for you: 'Florida' and '2000'). And the early signs are that opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai may be poised to defeat Moo-gobby to finally knock him from power. Think about that: an African dictator potentially getting voted out of office, in relative peace. I can think of some countries that could learn from Zim, and those countries are closer to home than you might think.
At press time, the debate about whether to have a runoff election was still taking place (and by "press time," I mean the time at which my editors pressed the button to post this story) but regardless of the outcome, you have to believe that this is the first sliver of good news the place has had in a long time. That is, other than getting mentioned in my column, which no doubt has ‘em dancing in the streets.
Long before Moo-gobby's grip on power began to slip, I had the "to go or not to go" debate. Like Burma, there are pros and cons to the question of whether it's ethically proper to visit during its time of turmoil. But unlike Burma, Zimbabwe doesn't have Sylvester Stallone to help serve as a moral compass.
While I opted to pass up Zim and wait for Moo-gobby to be put out to opulent plundered pasture, a friend and traveling companion in South Africa decided to go. Then again, my friend is a Texan, and Texans generally like to go into whatever foreign country they damn well please, thank you very much. It's impossible to say which of us was right, but I'll be honest: when I saw his pictures from Victoria Falls, and heard how excited the Zimbabweans were to have an American visitor, I was envious.
The day after Tsvangirai's party put together its strong electoral showing, I logged into my Gmail account. At the top of the page was one of those "sponsored links," the Google ads that are so cleverly worded you sometimes click on them even as you're annoyed by them. One read, "Avril Lavigne postpones six U.S. tour dates" (the horror) and another read "Japan-China summit to stress goodwill" (no kidding), but the third one caught my eye. It read, "Round trip flights to Harare - $746."
I stared at that flight for a while. Part of it was the hypnotic flickering of my computer monitor, but part of it was intrigue at the possibility of finally visiting Zimbabwe. After giving it more thought than I probably should have, I logged out of my account. My decision had been made: instead of their father going to Zim, my kids would get to eat this month. But unlike the last time I had to give up on Zimbabwe, I truly believe this pass was only temporary.
So hang in there, Zimbabwe. I hope to take advantage of that annoying Google ad and see you soon.
